Eucharisteo

I figured that after my miserable blog post last week that I should reassure you that I am not completely unhappy or jumping on a plane tomorrow to come home; although I am close to it. 

Construction of this ginormous garden is underway and it is starting to take shape. I have faced discouragement and many naysayers but through it all planting of the seeds should happen in a few weeks. The entire fence for the garden is up, cemented, and secured. We still have to buy the barbed wire that is going to go across the top but other than that it is up and functioning. There is still a lot that needs to be done but one teacher has stepped up to help me with as much as I need. We still need to put in the pipe and install the tap for the water, till the land, build more keyhole gardens, and plant the seeds. I am hoping that some crops start coming up before I leave. Many have told me that once I leave it is going to be destroyed and not maintained but I can’t continue with those thoughts. I have to live with the fact that I am trying my hardest to help this destitute school and have given them the means to better food; the rest of it is up to them to upkeep it. 

The fence is up!! 

What the beginning of a keyhole garden looks like

The gate to their new nutritional food!

I have been staying out in the bush more because I enjoy my weekends to myself; for the most part. It has its advantages and disadvantages. It gives me the chance to lay in bed watching movies and not do anything else. I can cook meals that I want to and have time to cook. Whoever said you get skinny in Africa has never lived here, trust me! Unless you starve yourself, you are not getting skinny. I can also workout more than what I have time to do on the weekends and just go for long walks through the middle of nowhere. Traveling 2 hours back and forth to Opuwo is getting very tiring and makes me car sick most of the time so the more I can avoid it the better. The downside is not having network and learners that STILL invade your space. 

My parents and I are working on a book called One Thousand Gifts. It is about living a life empty of yourself and full of God. The root idea of the book is the word Eucharisteo which broken down means Grace, Thankfulness and Joy. I have a huge chart in my house hanging in my room that has that word at the top. Each day I have to write at least one thing that I am thankful for, joyful of or where I received God’s grace. Believe it or not this has helped a lot. Knowing that even on my darkest and hardest days there are things to be grateful for helps so much. The encouragement and notes that people have sent from home have helped and are greatly appreciated. 

My chart that is hanging in my room. I add one thing each day. This is from a few weeks ago

When I am in on the weekends it has been fun to just sit and enjoy the company of my friends. Friends who have become more like family than anything else. They have become my saving graces and breaths of fresh air after hard weeks out in the bush. Leaving them when I go back to the states is going to be one of the hardest things. TK asked the other day how much they would need to pay me to stay haha. After these couple of weeks I will be taking a few personal days to go away with friends for a break before I break! 

This past weekend Mailin and I headed to Oshikati to meet some other volunteers for a July 4th celebration. Hamburgers, Red, White and Blue, and good American songs were all present. It wasn’t the same as spending the weekend bbqing out on the water but it definitely was close haha. It was nice to get to Oshikati and buy food that isn’t remotely available in Opuwo. Cheese, Special K cereal, Sugar Free rusks, just to name a few. 

Though I am having many hard times and struggles I am still trying to make the best of my time here. As my mom has always said, “God will give you a break when you need it. Not a minute before and not a minute after.” I have heard this my 15+ years of schooling and jobs and it has always rang true. 

Honestly...Life these days

Things have definitely had their ups and downs lately and I have definitely been one of the down things. Life here has been really rough lately and I have tried my very very hardest to remain positive but it is so hard when there is nothing that is encouraging that positive attitude. I have been staying out at my school more weekends to try to get more work done on the garden. These kids barely have food and I want to get them more nutrition soon. However, no one else seems to have that mind set. My hands have been  transformed from dainty girl hands to rough, calloused, blistering hands. The upside to all of this and a huge praise is that the poles for the garden are all in and cemented. Hopefully we will begin constructing the keyhole gardens this week and at least get a few things planted. I am eager to just see sprouts to reassure me that I am not doing all of this for nothing. I haven’t been homesick or wanting to come home this whole time I have been here but after these past few weeks I am ready to pack up my bags and go home to begin graduate school in the fall. Everything that could gone wrong or a problem could arise has. It started a few weeks ago when they were doing the budget. First, these people don’t understand finances nor priorities. DSTV was at the top of their list when the kids just received food this week. Which is a whole different story as well. Our learners haven’t had food at all until this week. We have been trying to collect money from the learners in order to go to Opuwo to buy the food. The government just delivered the food this week. We still don’t have school supplies. My kids don’t have pens or pencils. I don’t have paper to write on or to even make copies with and these people want to buy DSTV?! I had to type up and organize their budget as well as do the math. I thought I was only typing up the budget but I guess that there is some unspoken rule that whoever types it up is also responsible for buying everything on it. I have been used to do everything they don’t want to do. I have been in and out of town running errands, ordering supplies, making the garden, cleaning the office, typing up documents and the list goes on. This is on top of my teaching, lesson planning, and grading. I had to go to Opuwo to order supplies for them to fix the classrooms. I didn’t have a problem with this because I was going there to order things for the garden as well. The problems came when I brought the stuff to school. I knew what they needed and no one gave me guidance so I was left to make the decisions on my own. I asked for a few days what type of paint they wanted and no one gave me an answer so I just ordered creme because that is what they are right now. Well, I got cornered and yelled at for not getting the right color...because I can read minds, right? So I told them they could use it as a primer and get one color to do a top coat.  I put my foot down and said no to doing the exchange. I was also deemed responsible to buy all the school supplies in Oshikati, a couple hours away. I refused to do that. I was/am exhausted and feel like every step forward I take I am brought back a couple more. Till this day the supplies are still not bought. Surprised? I’m not. It has been a hard few weeks since being back and my patience is running out quickly!

I haven’t been homesick since getting here but lately it has really been kicking in and it is not something that goes away fast. Each day I have been spending more and more time talking to God because some days that is the only conversation I get besides teaching my learners. I can handle being out in the bush and not having any type of phone or internet service. I can get over the bucket baths and not having a stove. Those don’t bother me at all! But the way I have been treated, talked to and looked down at is what is getting to me. There is a line between culture and being rude and that line has been crossed numerous times. There is also a line between fulfilling a commitment and going insane. This is the decision I am facing right now. How much is too much and how much more can I take? I have been trying to convince myself that I am going to be better for this when I am done and that my learners need me to stay here. Honestly though, they care less about learning as well. So why am I really here? I would volunteer somewhere else in a heartbeat but this isn’t what I signed up to be. I have barely been teaching and no one could even care. In fact, one of my colleagues said that we need to work on focusing on sports because it isn’t like any of these learners are going to be doing anything with their lives. The inspector of our circuit also said that he doesn’t trust our school to function without the principal being here. Doesn’t that say so much about where I am? His worry is validated by the fact that on any given day there could be 1 to 2 teachers absent or leaving by break time. 

I have been looking at the feasibility of leaving and where I would go next. If things don’t change by August break I might be on a plane back to the United States with my brother and dad. In hopes that figuring out what I am doing next year will help me to feel like I am working towards something my parents and I have been making phone calls to different schools/jobs to see what would be the most beneficial. There are many choices, we just have to see what works out the best. Some options are: School in Argentina for the year, 6 months of school in the states then 6 months of school in Buenos Aires, Graduate School at University of Barcelona in Spain, or attending Grad School at Towson and living with my Grandma.